This is my 500th post (Though if I count the 90 sitting in “Drafts” I guess I passed that mark some time ago :)) *wooooo*
/streamers /confetti /dancing girls /monkeys and ponies and goats
I wanted to make it something really special but the longer I delay, the more of an *issue* it’s going to become. Me and my *issues*… I’m only just starting to function again after the plague and the idea for this reading is the first thing to get me interested in anything other than hitting “refresh” on the endless tumblr baby pagan drama. Good. E. Nuff.
I’ve recently started getting that creative itch again; it’s my version of spring fever. Every time this (re)occurs I have two options of how I will address the sudden attack of motivation and inspiration:
 Give into it
-> get really excited
-> start n number of projects
-> become thoroughly disgusted with myself and disenchanted with the whole creative process
-> spiral into depression
-> possibly recover, possibly not
-> leave this world having accomplished nothing
 Ignore it until it goes away
-> suffer only a fraction of the above misery
-> leave this world having accomplished nothing
It might seem a little overly negative and self-fulfilling, but trust me, I have done this hokey-pokey so many times I know the steps backwards, forwards, inside-out, with one leg tied behind my back. I can hum the tune in my head and it keeps me awake at night while I ruminate on my multitudinous failings. However, I am in the unique position this go ’round of – for the first time in memory – being in as mentally stable a state as I’ve ever been. I am still faaaaaar from healthy and am pooping-my-pants terrified of doing anything that would trigger a relapse, but. But.
There are a few things that are definitely doable. Things that do not require massive amounts of financial investment or personal commitment. Things that are – dare I say it – manageable, even when hobbled by my overly perfectionist Judgey McJudgerson INTP-ness.
My initial barrier to success is always -focus-. I want to do ALL THE THINGS. (What do you mean I should choose ONE?? INCONCEIVABLE. I will do none of the things instead. That solves that problem. HAH ON YOU.) Right now there are 4 things I’m tossing around in my head, as follows (they will remain sekrit so as to invite unbiased commentary/input should anyone see something in the reading that I am blind to):
#1 – I already possess all the relevant materials and a good deal of experience and skills. Needs more real world testing, but that won’t be difficult to remedy (though I am reticent to put myself out there). High potential for burn-out, but also for lifelong income generation, as well as learning (and I loves me some learnin’!)
#2 – This has been on my radar for a decade and keeps coming ’round. If I had jumped on it back then, I would be halfway to rich by now, as it has become a “thing” in the intervening years. Would require some investment in materials, much in skills if I wanted to progress beyond “basic” level, but I have inherent ability.
#3 – Recently learned of this one. Allows for artistic expression, with no out-of-pocket cost for production. Market is somewhat saturated, and my personal style is usually way ahead of the zeitgeist, so it could be difficult to get off the ground.
#4 – Another thing I’ve been threatening to do for a decade. Every time it comes around, I’m in a really bad place and by the time I’ve recovered, it’s too late. Requires heavy investment of time, artistic expression and medium financial commitment. Again, if I’d got in on the ground level 5 years ago…
In the spirit of keeping my eyes open, I decided to ask the deck about an option I haven’t considered as well. For each of these 5 options I drew a card for short term potential and long term potential; for personal development, yes, but mainly for financial success. I really really need an additional/alternative income stream and GODSDAMMIT I would like to do something that adds beauty to the world!
So here goes.
[Interest #1] Short term possibilities – IX The Path
[Interest #1] Long term possibilities – 4 of Earth (Stones & Crystals)
How interesting. I have a lot of reservations around this interest regarding… faith, I guess. Faith in my abilities. The Path seems to say that, while this is a decision only I can ultimately make, I should trust my instincts; it is part of my journey. The 4 of Earth hints at a stable, grounded future, should I pursue this interest. The idea of stones and crystals also makes me think of hidden treasures; that there is some reward to this that isn’t obvious at this time. Something to be worked for. Towards. Aah, a storage house for later. Soooo, maybe I am correct in wanting to do some more developmental work on this, as it isn’t going to “expire” if I don’t use it, only grow stronger with time – ?
[Interest #2] Short term possibilities – 3 of Air (Scrying)
[Interest #2] Long term possibilities – XVI Omens
Wow. That’s a “NO.” When I first turned over the 3 of Air, I got the impression that this wouldn’t be a recommendation and the XVI only rammed that point home. The 3 of Air is about distorted perception – I happen to see a Death’s head in the mirror – and looking at something from another point of view to get to the truth. Where am I deceiving myself here? I don’t know. Maybe it’s the intensely detail-oriented nature of this interest that I am being warned against – there is simply too much opportunity for me to get sucked in in all the worst ways; too much room for picking apart and not-perfect-enough. XVI = Destruction. Moving on then.
[Interest #3] Short term possibilities – 9 of Water (Lakshmi)
[Interest #3] Long term possibilities – Maiden of Air
Huh, another surprise. I really wasn’t expecting this sort of… gently encouraging draw here. Lakshmi is a goddess of (across the board) prosperity, which suggests short term results and rewards. Reversed, this card warns of turning your back on the gifts you receive – duly noted. I’m not sure what the Maiden of Air holds for the long term possibilities, other than Water-Air being my most natural and comfortable combination of elements, so I assume it’s something which I can come back to whenever I feel like and it will always be satisfying in some way. Don’t think this one reads as a core focus, but definitely something good as a sideline.
[Interest #4] Short term possibilities – 6 of Air (Attendant/Familiar)
[Interest #4] Long term possibilities – 1 of Fire (Sun)
This is a confusing combination; it doesn’t make immediate sense. The 6 of Air speaks of seeking the wisdom and guidance of your animal helper which, wellll, I love Captain FuzzyNoNuts and all, but he’s not got much in the wisdom department (unless we’re talking about the wisdom required to not eat the whole bag of chipotle puffed pork rinds I accidentally left within accessible reach…) The “Ace” of Fire seems like a very positive card to have – especially given that this is an artistic interest – unless I consider that it is as literal a depiction of “EPIC burnout” as possible. If I could figure out the 6 of Air, maybe this pair would be more cohesive in meaning.
[#5] Something I Haven’t Considered – Elemental of Air (Sylph)
Let’s remember that the Elemental of Air is the Page of Air, also known as the Princess of Swords. Just… remember that. Something in this card caught my eye immediately, and it is the idea of something I’ve toyed with – Hel it’s something I already do, in a way -, but only in the most non-committal, there’s no way that will ever happen, way. It’s a LOT of work and OMG where would I even start and HELL NO there are dozens of other people out there way more qualified and able than my dear self. Still, intellect, imagination, pulling ideas out of thin air – it’s all right there.
Like, for money? 7 of Air (I Ching)
Here. Have a card WITH MONEY ON IT. (Also, another Air card to lend support and reinforce the theme/topic of the whole affair.)
[X]. Really?? Elemental of Fire (Salamander)
Girl, if’n you got any closer to the truth, you would burn your disbelieving eyebrows off. One thing I know about salamanders is that they are creatures of transformation and, contrary to all sense, they thrive in the fire. Aaah, see, that’s the kind of burn that I’m aiming for. Nevermind that actual salamanders are amphibians ie. creatures of Water and Air ie. liminal *ding ding ding* Okay then.
[Interest X] Short term possibilities – II Wisdom
[Interest X] Long term possibilities – 2 of Water
Now there’s a cohesive pairing of cards! Quite possibly the strongest combination in the reading, too. Of course it is. The thing I would never have considered, don’t think I am skilled at in the “right” way and frankly, don’t even know where I would begin to change this, is the thing that has hearts and flowers and True Union at the end of the road. Of course. And don’t think I don’t see both the Wisdom card and the 7 of Air from the “Share Your Passion” spread BECAUSE I SEE IT YES I DO ಠ_ಠ Have to wonder if the 6 of Air-1 of Fire combo ties in with this as well… it’s a different *topic*, but the end marketplace is a shared possibility.
It’s also important to know that the Mother of Air was a jumper, because the Mother of Air looks like this –
– and so only the Crone is missing from the Courts of Air in this reading (which is a good thing, as she is concerned with endings, rather than beginnings.)
But where in the seven flying hells do I begin to do something like “X”??
Endings. Oh. You. Bagofadeck. Nothing says, “I’m done with this line of questioning,” like the Crone! I think this is the Book of Shadows’ way of saying that she can’t be expected to do all the work. It’s up to me to shine the light where it must go; find my own solutions to problems of my own making.