FOCUS. Reading

This is my 500th post (Though if I count the 90 sitting in “Drafts” I guess I passed that mark some time ago :)) *wooooo*

/streamers /confetti /dancing girls /monkeys and ponies and goats

I wanted to make it something really special but the longer I delay, the more of an *issue* it’s going to become. Me and my *issues*… I’m only just starting to function again after the plague and the idea for this reading is the first thing to get me interested in anything other than hitting “refresh” on the endless tumblr baby pagan drama. Good. E. Nuff.

I’ve recently started getting that creative itch again; it’s my version of spring fever. Every time this (re)occurs I have two options of how I will address the sudden attack of motivation and inspiration:

[1] Give into it
-> get really excited
-> start number of projects
-> become thoroughly disgusted with myself and disenchanted with the whole creative process
-> spiral into depression
-> possibly recover, possibly not
-> repeat
-> leave this world having accomplished nothing

or

[2] Ignore it until it goes away
-> suffer only a fraction of the above misery
-> repeat
-> leave this world having accomplished nothing

It might seem a little overly negative and self-fulfilling, but trust me, I have done this hokey-pokey so many times I know the steps backwards, forwards, inside-out, with one leg tied behind my back. I can hum the tune in my head and it keeps me awake at night while I ruminate on my multitudinous failings. However, I am in the unique position this go ’round of – for the first time in memory – being in as mentally stable a state as I’ve ever been. I am still faaaaaar from healthy and am pooping-my-pants terrified of doing anything that would trigger a relapse, but. But.

There are a few things that are definitely doable. Things that do not require massive amounts of financial investment or personal commitment. Things that are – dare I say it – manageable, even when hobbled by my overly perfectionist Judgey McJudgerson INTP-ness.

My initial barrier to success is always -focus-. I want to do ALL THE THINGS. (What do you mean I should choose ONE?? INCONCEIVABLE. I will do none of the things instead. That solves that problem. HAH ON YOU.) Right now there are 4 things I’m tossing around in my head, as follows (they will remain sekrit so as to invite unbiased commentary/input should anyone see something in the reading that I am blind to):

#1 – I already possess all the relevant materials and a good deal of experience and skills. Needs more real world testing, but that won’t be difficult to remedy (though I am reticent to put myself out there). High potential for burn-out, but also for lifelong income generation, as well as learning (and I loves me some learnin’!)

#2 – This has been on my radar for a decade and keeps coming ’round. If I had jumped on it back then, I would be halfway to rich by now, as it has become a “thing” in the intervening years. Would require some investment in materials, much in skills if I wanted to progress beyond “basic” level, but I have inherent ability.

#3 – Recently learned of this one. Allows for artistic expression, with no out-of-pocket cost for production. Market is somewhat saturated, and my personal style is usually way ahead of the zeitgeist, so it could be difficult to get off the ground.

#4 – Another thing I’ve been threatening to do for a decade. Every time it comes around, I’m in a really bad place and by the time I’ve recovered, it’s too late. Requires heavy investment of time, artistic expression and medium financial commitment. Again, if I’d got in on the ground level 5 years ago…

In the spirit of keeping my eyes open, I decided to ask the deck about an option I haven’t considered as well. For each of these 5 options I drew a card for short term potential and long term potential; for personal development, yes, but mainly for financial success. I really really need an additional/alternative income stream and GODSDAMMIT I would like to do something that adds beauty to the world!

So here goes.

 

Book of Shadows Vol. 1: As Above by Barbara Moore and Simone Gabrielli, Grzegorz Kysinksi, Franco Rivolli & Pietro Scola di Mambro; Lo Scarabeo, 2012

Book of Shadows Vol. 1: As Above by Barbara Moore and Simone Gabrielli, Grzegorz Kysinksi, Franco Rivolli & Pietro Scola di Mambro; Lo Scarabeo, 2012

[Interest #1] Short term possibilities – IX The Path

[Interest #1] Long term possibilities – 4 of Earth (Stones & Crystals)

How interesting. I have a lot of reservations around this interest regarding… faith, I guess. Faith in my abilities. The Path seems to say that, while this is a decision only I can ultimately make, I should trust my instincts; it is part of my journey. The 4 of Earth hints at a stable, grounded future, should I pursue this interest. The idea of stones and crystals also makes me think of hidden treasures; that there is some reward to this that isn’t obvious at this time. Something to be worked for. Towards. Aah, a storage house for later. Soooo, maybe I am correct in wanting to do some more developmental work on this, as it isn’t going to “expire” if I don’t use it, only grow stronger with time – ?

[Interest #2] Short term possibilities – 3 of Air (Scrying)

[Interest #2] Long term possibilities – XVI Omens

Wow. That’s a “NO.” When I first turned over the 3 of Air, I got the impression that this wouldn’t be a recommendation and the XVI only rammed that point home. The 3 of Air is about distorted perception – I happen to see a Death’s head in the mirror – and looking at something from another point of view to get to the truth. Where am I deceiving myself here? I don’t know. Maybe it’s the intensely detail-oriented nature of this interest that I am being warned against – there is simply too much opportunity for me to get sucked in in all the worst ways; too much room for picking apart and not-perfect-enough. XVI = Destruction. Moving on then.

[Interest #3] Short term possibilities – 9 of Water (Lakshmi)

[Interest #3] Long term possibilities – Maiden of Air

Huh, another surprise. I really wasn’t expecting this sort of… gently encouraging draw here. Lakshmi is a goddess of (across the board) prosperity, which suggests short term results and rewards. Reversed, this card warns of turning your back on the gifts you receive – duly noted. I’m not sure what the Maiden of Air holds for the long term possibilities, other than Water-Air being my most natural and comfortable combination of elements, so I assume it’s something which I can come back to whenever I feel like and it will always be satisfying in some way. Don’t think this one reads as a core focus, but definitely something good as a sideline.

[Interest #4] Short term possibilities – 6 of Air (Attendant/Familiar)

[Interest #4] Long term possibilities – 1 of Fire (Sun)

This is a confusing combination; it doesn’t make immediate sense. The 6 of Air speaks of seeking the wisdom and guidance of your animal helper which, wellll, I love Captain FuzzyNoNuts and all, but he’s not got much in the wisdom department (unless we’re talking about the wisdom required to not eat the whole bag of chipotle puffed pork rinds I accidentally left within accessible reach…) The “Ace” of Fire seems like a very positive card to have – especially given that this is an artistic interest – unless I consider that it is as literal a depiction of “EPIC burnout” as possible. If I could figure out the 6 of Air, maybe this pair would be more cohesive in meaning.

 

Book of Shadows Vol. 1: As Above by Barbara Moore and Simone Gabrielli, Grzegorz Kysinksi, Franco Rivolli & Pietro Scola di Mambro; Lo Scarabeo, 2012

Book of Shadows Vol. 1: As Above by Barbara Moore and Simone Gabrielli, Grzegorz Kysinksi, Franco Rivolli & Pietro Scola di Mambro; Lo Scarabeo, 2012

[#5] Something I Haven’t Considered – Elemental of Air (Sylph)

Let’s remember that the Elemental of Air is the Page of Air, also known as the Princess of Swords. Just… remember that. Something in this card caught my eye immediately, and it is the idea of something I’ve toyed with – Hel it’s something I already do, in a way -, but only in the most non-committal, there’s no way that will ever happen, way. It’s a LOT of work and OMG where would I even start and HELL NO there are dozens of other people out there way more qualified and able than my dear self. Still, intellect, imagination, pulling ideas out of thin air – it’s all right there.

Like, for money? 7 of Air (I Ching)

Here. Have a card WITH MONEY ON IT. (Also, another Air card to lend support and reinforce the theme/topic of the whole affair.)

[X]. Really?? Elemental of Fire (Salamander)

Girl, if’n you got any closer to the truth, you would burn your disbelieving eyebrows off. One thing I know about salamanders is that they are creatures of transformation and, contrary to all sense, they thrive in the fire. Aaah, see, that’s the kind of burn that I’m aiming for. Nevermind that actual salamanders are amphibians ie. creatures of Water and Air ie. liminal *ding ding ding* Okay then.

 

Book of Shadows Vol. 1: As Above by Barbara Moore and Simone Gabrielli, Grzegorz Kysinksi, Franco Rivolli & Pietro Scola di Mambro; Lo Scarabeo, 2012

Book of Shadows Vol. 1: As Above by Barbara Moore and Simone Gabrielli, Grzegorz Kysinksi, Franco Rivolli & Pietro Scola di Mambro; Lo Scarabeo, 2012

[Interest X] Short term possibilities – II Wisdom

[Interest X] Long term possibilities – 2 of Water

Now there’s a cohesive pairing of cards! Quite possibly the strongest combination in the reading, too. Of course it is. The thing I would never have considered, don’t think I am skilled at in the “right” way and frankly, don’t even know where I would begin to change this, is the thing that has hearts and flowers and True Union at the end of the road. Of course. And don’t think I don’t see both the Wisdom card and the 7 of Air from the “Share Your Passion” spread BECAUSE I SEE IT YES I DO  ಠ_ಠ  Have to wonder if the 6 of Air-1 of Fire combo ties in with this as well… it’s a different *topic*, but the end marketplace is a shared possibility.

 

It’s also important to know that the Mother of Air was a jumper, because the Mother of Air looks like this –

Mother of Air - Book of Shadows Vol. 1: As Above by Barbara Moore and Simone Gabrielli, Grzegorz Kysinksi, Franco Rivolli & Pietro Scola di Mambro; Lo Scarabeo, 2012 ;

Mother of Air – Book of Shadows Vol. 1: As Above by Barbara Moore and Simone Gabrielli, Grzegorz Kysinksi, Franco Rivolli & Pietro Scola di Mambro; Lo Scarabeo, 2012 ;

– and so only the Crone is missing from the Courts of Air in this reading (which is a good thing, as she is concerned with endings, rather than beginnings.)

 

But where in the seven flying hells do I begin to do something like “X”??

Crone of Fire - Book of Shadows Vol. 1: As Above by Barbara Moore and Simone Gabrielli, Grzegorz Kysinksi, Franco Rivolli & Pietro Scola di Mambro; Lo Scarabeo, 2012

Crone of Fire – Book of Shadows Vol. 1: As Above by Barbara Moore and Simone Gabrielli, Grzegorz Kysinksi, Franco Rivolli & Pietro Scola di Mambro; Lo Scarabeo, 2012

 

Endings. Oh. You. Bagofadeck. Nothing says, “I’m done with this line of questioning,” like the Crone! I think this is the Book of Shadows’ way of saying that she can’t be expected to do all the work. It’s up to me to shine the light where it must go; find my own solutions to problems of my own making.

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13 thoughts on “FOCUS. Reading

  1. Thalia says:

    Okay. I don’t know about the cards, but, reading just the first bit, where you talk about the four possibilities I had this overwhelming feeling.

    You talk about the creative urge and then immediately tie it to money. That’s a HUGE source of pressure for pass/fail sort of stuff. If you’re just talking about getting creative, I think you are entirely on the wrong track. I feel this very strongly; really this is overwhelming. Don’t do this. If you want to be creative, just focus on that part of it, at least for now. Find out which one of those (or something else maybe) that *calls* you, and do that. Don’t try to pick based on what might possibly make money, or any of that logic stuff. That will just continue the cycle you’re in of being overwhelmed with it and not finishing things. I mean I get it; and I know you know I do.

    Really, I’m getting this very very strongly: don’t bind this up with money. That will kill it from the get-go. It may well come along on its own, I don’t know; I get the feeling that being on the right track will attract that sort of money/prosperity thing anyway. I don’t mean to get all The Secret on you, but that’s what I’m ‘seeing’.

    Also *he* says he wants to do a reading for you. Oh, thanks for volunteering me hon.

    Like

    • submerina says:

      Ha ha ha you got voluntold :D Does he have something in mind (I presume he does, but you never know)?

      I know you know. I KNOW you KNOW. Which is awesome. And I promise – PROMISE – you, artist-to-artist pinky swear, that I am not putting the OMG I NEED AN INCOME GENERATOR before the need to create. These are things I want to do and CAN do, half of them with very little pressure to produce to a deadline and all of them moldable to my schedule and fluctuating abilities. As a happy, added side-benefit, there is a possibility for $ as a _result_.

      Because you are 100% correct about the money being an instant setup for failure. AND – the thing the cards said OHNONONONO to is the thing that would be the most money-oriented (as far as supplies, needing to keep up a steady supply of stock, interact with people etc.) and likely to cause me a breakdown. Isn’t that interesting??

      What this setup – creation with $ potential – has in its favour is that it gives me, not a _reason_, so much as a _justification_ for creation. That’s one of my barriers to making: WHY? What’s the purpose of making for “nothing”. If I can make not TO sell, but with the ability to send it off to someone who wants it, I feel I can answer for the “time wasted” and “money wasted” and focus on satisfying my desires (and yes I am awfully aware of all the disgusting junk tied up in this and I have an appointment with a nice lady a few weeks from now).

      Ugh. WHY MUST IT BE SO HARRRRRRRD???

      Like

  2. hersixthcircle says:

    I’m super late here, but I just wanted to let you know how much I loved this. I don’t even know what any of the projects are, and I didn’t scrutinize the cards or anything, but this reading just felt right on. Isn’t it interesting how tarot shows you these things that you wouldn’t have even considered, and says YES, SERIOUSLY, THIS? I love it. I’m dying to know more, and excited to see where this leads you. :)

    Like

  3. Pingback: ~*Big Reveal*~ | the princess and the sea

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