Of Walls & Blocks & Perceptions Thereof

Like this, only less inviting.


I was thinking of all the things I want to do and how I just. can’t. seem. to get there. Nothing tangible is stopping me, so… why? What is blocking me?

I see a wall: infinitely high, stretching away to a pinpoint in either direction. It is smooth, white. This is my wall.

I’m staring at the unclimbable surface before me.

I can’t go over, obviously. It’s far too long to think about going around; a waste of time and energy for sure. I know its foundation is very, very deep, so there’s no being clever and digging a way under either. I can feel  the things I want on the other side…

“Turn around.”

I turn around.

“No more wall.”

Well, wow. W O W.

I just sit there, stunned by how easy  and, gods, sensible a solution that is.

And then: “Now bring what you want here -” (If Mohammad can’t get to the mountain…) “- that’s magic.”


It’s going to take some work to integrate the idea that it could be that simple (then again, is that just my choice/expectation? Could it be that simple??)


6 thoughts on “Of Walls & Blocks & Perceptions Thereof

  1. Thalia says:

    It is stunning, again, how parallel you and I are. I’m stuck too, still, and can slowly feel myself wanting to do more and more but not knowing at all how to get there; it feels like a bottleneck to me, almost, though, not so much a wall anymore (re this old thing: http://amusedgrace.blogspot.com/2010/11/aedm-november-8th.html ).

    Something comes to mind, thinking if that were me: is turning away from it denial? I can’t see it so it’s not there.


    • submerina says:

      I remember your wall well :)

      I’m enjoying our parallel-ness, especially how different the similarities are! For me, turning away isn’t denial – it is acknowledging the non-existence of the wall. The only thing standing in my way is myself. Similarly, the wall doesn’t exist outside of my own creation/perception, so if I stop looking at it, it ceases to exist (Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal-stlye). That’s how absurdly I’m wired :D


  2. Thalia says:

    Oh yes, the Bugblatter Beast of Traal; if you can’t see it, it can’t see you.

    I was thinking about this post all day, contemplating the similarities and differences. The more I come up against my block or wall, or the more I want to be doing something but still not quite starting, the more I wonder if it’s actually me in some ways. So right now I’m clearing curses and such. That sounds dramatic probably to folks who don’t know my situation, but I know you do and that that’s not that far-fetched. It can’t hurt, and I’m going to give it a try and see what changes. Living with a vampire means the energy drain either is from them, or maybe me shutting myself down around them for purely protective reasons. It’s hard to tell. But I’ve been banging and banging my head against this wall and not getting very far.


    • submerina says:

      The more I read Scylla and Sarah Lawless and other balls-to-the-wall amazing ladies, the more I understand offensive-defensive work, including clearing whatever might be hanging on. So, totally with you on the curse-clearing. Looking forward to hearing what effects _that_ has on your resident MOMpire!


    • submerina says:

      Huh. I _never_ thought of that. Would never have, if you hadn’t mentioned it – walls are solid and DENSE, as am I. See? Perception ;D


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