Grandma’s Apple Pie Spread

I woke up at 3am this morning to a voice saying “Grandma’s apple pie” – all dirty-like a la Joey from Friends. I don’t know what lurks around the dark recesses of my brain at that time of the morning, but there certainly has been a lot of joyous anarchy around those parts lately, hence the non-traditional spreads.

This one started as something of a joke, but then evolved – surprisingly – into a fairly serious spread. It’s tailored to food, but can easily be applied to other situations where the voice of reason sits helpless and gagged in a corner while you cry tears through a powdered sugar moustache.

  • You begin by choosing 8 cards, much like the 8 slices a pie is often divided into. Arrange these, face up, in a circle.
  • Now toss 4 of them. Any four; it’s up to you – because who are we kidding? You’re going to land up eating 1/4 wedge pieces – if not the whole damn thing – anyway!
  • Then grab a fork and get eatin’!
Mmmmmmm PIE

Mmmmmmm PIE

[1] The root of your urge to over-indulge

[2] What makes you vulnerable to ignoring the Voice when it’s strongly advising you to crank it back a notch. Or five.

[3] Ice cream? Cheddar cheese? Bacon? How do you take it that one step too far?

[4] The inevitable belly-ache and shame spiral that follows

Let that digest for a while.

Now go back to the 4 cards you discarded earlier – they represent what you sacrifice when you choose instant gratification over moderation. These cards are very telling, showing a (not-so-) hidden attitude towards being told you can’t have what you want. Think of it as you inner 4-year-old.

Finally, flip over the remainder of the deck and examine the bottom card. This is sometimes referred to as the “shadow card”, but in this case, it is the TUMS® card. This is what you can take to counteract the feelings of disappointment, disgust, whatever you experience when you lose control and go a little overboard. Perhaps it’s even advice as to how you can prevent being in this position again.

Now, how’s that taste?



11 thoughts on “Grandma’s Apple Pie Spread

  1. Magic Mentha says:

    Wow, this is a fantabulous spread. Going to try it right now. Also, thanks a LOT. Now I, too, want PIE. If I was a guy or a lesbian I’d say ‘fur pie’ as a juvenile joke but I guess I won’t. :D


    • submerina says:

      Ohhh, you have noooo idea how many times I had to hold back the puns hee hee! So please, go ahead and get juvenile with yo’ bad self :D


  2. Magic Mentha says:

    Mine was weird. It was all courts except for the shame spiral position:

    [1] The root of your urge to over-indulge

    King of Cups

    *uh…suppression? emotional difficulties??*

    [2] What makes you vulnerable to ignoring the Voice when it’s strongly advising you to crank it back a notch. Or five.

    Princess of Coins

    *I’m not sure. Makes me think of ignoring my own practicality or physical needs. This princess seems much more subdued and practical*

    [3] Ice cream? Cheddar cheese? Bacon? How do you take it that one step too far?

    Princess of Swords

    *I don’t quite know on this one. In my head I heard ‘added insult to injury’ so maybe it’s using sharp words against myself? Hrmm…*

    [4] The inevitable belly-ache and shame spiral that follows


    *laugh…maybe I died from eating too much pie.*

    My TUMS® card was the High Priestess. So I guess I’d take that as ignoring my inner voice and intuition about when/where/how to stop is how I got into the mess in the first place!


    • submerina says:

      Aah, but you *chose* those cards, so only you can really know what the deeper meaning is there. And very interesting that you chose so many Courts, because they can be so tricky to interpret. What are you hiding from yourself? Maybe that’s what the HP says: examine your motives.


  3. Digital Dame says:

    I can’t wait to get home and try this spread! Seriously, this is amazing. If I could get away with it here in the office, I’d do it, but I’m a coward ;) Bad enough they know I have Tarot cards here…

    Now I’m going to have bake a pie this weekend. Whipped cream, anyone?


    • submerina says:

      YES to cream and YES to your being excited about this spread – yay! Nothing wrong with being a coward. The best things are eaten alone, in the dark, in a cupboard ;)


  4. Heretica says:

    [1] King of Swords
    Apparently my urge to over-indulge is an intellectual, rather than emotional decision. o_O

    [2] The Star
    Naturally my hope and optimism would leave me vulnerable. I’ll take it.

    [3] Six of Swords
    I indulge my traveling away from obstacles? Hrmm… Yeah, I could see that.

    [4] Eight of Wands
    “The feeling that things are rushing ahead out of control.” Hahaaa…

    My leftovers?
    Six of Cups (innocence/nostalgia), The Hanged Man (surrenderuing/letting go), Four of Cups (“possibly over-indulgence”, it says!), Nine of Pentacles (pleasure/treating yourself)



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