I woke up at 3am this morning to a voice saying “Grandma’s apple pie” – all dirty-like a la Joey from Friends. I don’t know what lurks around the dark recesses of my brain at that time of the morning, but there certainly has been a lot of joyous anarchy around those parts lately, hence the non-traditional spreads.
This one started as something of a joke, but then evolved – surprisingly – into a fairly serious spread. It’s tailored to food, but can easily be applied to other situations where the voice of reason sits helpless and gagged in a corner while you cry tears through a powdered sugar moustache.
- You begin by choosing 8 cards, much like the 8 slices a pie is often divided into. Arrange these, face up, in a circle.
- Now toss 4 of them. Any four; it’s up to you – because who are we kidding? You’re going to land up eating 1/4 wedge pieces – if not the whole damn thing – anyway!
- Then grab a fork and get eatin’!
 The root of your urge to over-indulge
 What makes you vulnerable to ignoring the Voice when it’s strongly advising you to crank it back a notch. Or five.
 Ice cream? Cheddar cheese? Bacon? How do you take it that one step too far?
 The inevitable belly-ache and shame spiral that follows
Let that digest for a while.
Now go back to the 4 cards you discarded earlier – they represent what you sacrifice when you choose instant gratification over moderation. These cards are very telling, showing a (not-so-) hidden attitude towards being told you can’t have what you want. Think of it as you inner 4-year-old.
Finally, flip over the remainder of the deck and examine the bottom card. This is sometimes referred to as the “shadow card”, but in this case, it is the TUMS® card. This is what you can take to counteract the feelings of disappointment, disgust, whatever you experience when you lose control and go a little overboard. Perhaps it’s even advice as to how you can prevent being in this position again.
Now, how’s that taste?