People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within. ~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
In light (ha!) of Helen’s comment about the 5 of Pents possibly pointing to my inability to ask for help when I need it, finding the above quote (stained glass windows being a usual feature of the 5/P) and the Green Tara – who is already special to me – card from the Goddess Guidance Oracle with the same message, I decided I should have another look at one of the spreads with the 5 of Pentacles in it.
Actually *seeing* the Green Tara card and absorbing the message makes me realise how appropriate it is for how I’m feeling right now. It’s a common theme to my life in general, but especially right now. I am drowning – not waving – at work and I resolve to quit on a daily basis. Somehow I never get ’round to it.
This spread is one I derived from a post on Erin Pavlina’s blog about finding your purpose and, more importantly, the path to get there. The exercise itself is very worthwhile and deserves more than a simple reading, but it’s a starting point. Admittedly, this is the easiest of spreads I’ve done recently, but it’s still a challenge. I feel very smothered by all that Earth energy and the spread seems decidedly masculine (though my ‘Tara is definitely male, so maybe that’s all it is?) The fact that that makes me uncomfortable, shows how much my personal energy is changing.
On to finding my Nirvana…
 What do you want to do? (desire) – 5 of Pentacles
Several options here:
- keep slogging through the snow; cold, miserable, noble in my suffering (as awful as that is)
- ask for help, but not being able to due to the above and simply not knowing how
- help those in need – be the safe haven
This is such a difficult card in an especially difficult placement and I’m finding it really hard to squeeze anything positive out of it. Perhaps… I’ve always been one to reject help when I want to figure something out for myself. This is different from not asking for help when I need it; this is when I want to find my own answers, not just have them handed to me. Of course, that’s not always easy but it’s a struggle that’s worth it for the rewards. Hmm?
 What can you do? (ability) – 2 of Pentacles
Balance, juggle, stay on my toes, roll with the changes.
Positioned between 2 other Pentacle cards, I think this shows an ability to work both angles: want and should, desire and purpose. Maybe I can have my cake and eat it? I’ve always been good at wearing two (or more) identities; living in different worlds. But it’s tiring, having to split yourself up all the time and I’m really trying to move away from that into being integrated and whole.
An ability to adapt! Focus on more than one thing at a time. Looking forward to the 4 of Pents and my desire to help in the 5 of Pents, perhaps being able to manage my personal assets (largely physical and mental) and the demands of outside forces? It sure doesn’t feel like it! Four isn’t extremely fond of change and five is struggling with the necessity, but the 2 of Pents can make it work.
 What should you do? (purpose) – 4 of Pentacles
Guard my assets, no, manage my assets.
I’m getting a very positive vibe from this card, not the standard “miserly” one. It looks like he is wearing the one coin as a crown, using two as a foundation and presenting the final one from his heart. It’s almost as if he’s saying, “You have all these things and you can use them in all these ways.”
Hey, wait a minute there… As the miser, this card shows selfishness and a refusal to help those in need, but in the 5 of Pents, I desire to help. If this 4 is about guarding what you have, maybe it does all come back to the beginning: give little less, take a little more.
 What must you do? (need) – King of Swords
And suddenly the tone changes :) All hail, the King of fair and impartial insight. Trust the King of Swords, for he will never lead you wrong. No matter how much Earth there is, it is no match for the Master of Air. So we’re back to “trust your brain”. Maybe, “clear out your brain”; cut through the unnecessary crap to see the path clearly.
There’s probably a lot more than that going on here, but it’s all I can see for now. It might be up to the King to show me the way, but right now my brain is running on fumes, not to mention the other stuff that’s going on in CerebellumVille requiring an MRI. At least my dreams are interesting!