A large part of my motivation to finally commit to actually practising tarot, as opposed to just learning about it, is that I’m trying to fix what’s broken. Or tear down what’s been built. Inside. There’s something inside me, an impenetrable fortress that’s shut me out of parts that I really need. I don’t know where or how or why or what anymore, just that I am blocked and I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough frustration and disappointment and basically, not getting what I want. So I’m bringing in the wrecking crew.
I’m willing to explore any option at all. Any solution. I’m open-minded about what could eliminate this problem. No suggestion is too ridiculous! Okay, maaaaybe there are limits… but they’re very liberal. After the great past life reading I got from doormousey, I decided to try the larger past life spread by lunafey for myself. Who knows, maybe some beautifully tragic (/horribly mundane) event in a past life is what’s causing the stink in the sink. Did it on Tuesday last week, November 2nd, the last day of El Dios de los Muertos and the full moon. Nothing like packing as much symbolic wallop into an event as possible!
As it was, I started to struggle towards the end of the spread. Things started contradicting each other and not making sense and… then I got really frustrated. Really frustrated. I pulled a clarifier… and another and another… until I had pulled 9 and it just got worse the more I tried to understand the picture. I finally lost my temper and did an angry, sulky reading just asking outright what I thought was going on and all the cards did was tell me exactly what I was feeling at that moment. I think the over-arching message was “There are none so bind as those who will not see” or something sarcastic to that effect. I turned to my fabulous friend and tarot mentor (whether she likes it or not!), Ms Eris Hilton, for help figuring out my mess. She had some very interesting observations and quite a few were concurrent with what I had seen. I have included her comments here (italiscised) as much for their usefulness as for their wit!
But enough back-story – on with the show!
The original layout looks like this:
……………..3……………… – cards 1,2,6,7 sit in a tight square
………….1……2…………… – cards 3,4,5,8 sit at the 4 middle points of the square
…………….18…………….. – cards 18,21,22 are in a tight line
………19……….20……….. – cards 19,20 sit in the middle between 18 & 21
Past Life Spread
Who I Was in a Past Life
Queen of Wands
I’m getting a very earthy vibe off her, despite Wands being fire. This was a mind that was alive. A very independent thinker to the point of being dangerous (to herself). I feel like she might have been a “witch”, a wise-woman. Earth, earth, earth coming through in a big way. Earth and fire… like lava. Unstoppable. She holds her element in her hands – total control. She walks softly and she carries a big gun. But there is an aura of pain around her. Hidden pain. She keeps up appearances, like the queen she is.
I know how this lady thinks… She’s daring, original, bold, creative and isn’t afraid to throw herself into whatever project is her passion of the moment. I get the impression that you were either female or a man who thought like woman. The wand-y way of thinking is all about the BIG PICTURE, and whatever your passion was, you were incredibly enthusiastic about. Doing something new or novel, despite the social conventions of the day, can be attractive to Wands.
The only problem is the Queen needs a bit of attention, and can be a bit shallow at times, missing the deeper mysteries. In this life, I can see you being drawn towards places most women of the time wouldn’t dream of going. I keep getting a Victorian woman who, despite her genteel appearance and adherence to diplomacy, might have been very attracted to the occult or mysticism or the arts. I feel like you were in a time where you weren’t able to express yourself.
9 of Swords
Huh. I thought this was a past life reading :|
Well, here’s the pain. Crippling pain. Yes, crippling. I don’t get fear or sorrow here, just pain. Ever-present, debilitating. It’s quite overwhelming. I’ve noticed before that I have conflict with feeling “trapped” in my body; I wonder if it could have started sometime in the past and carried over? The Swords make me think that the mind is part of the situation. Yes, that mind limited by the broken body it inhabits. It grows more and more impatient with its prison until it, too, becomes part of the problem. But she cries by herself, in the dark, alone. No one must know. I’m so sad for her.
I see deep, all over, physical pain here that is the result of crippling depression. I can almost feel weariness and fatigue, settling in your bones. Overall, I see a lot of swords showing up, which tells me you perhaps had physical maladies that were manifestations of mental pain, anxiety, anguish, or emotional issues. From the 9 of Swords making an appearance, I’d say it was quite severe at times. Mentally, you were pretty energetic, but physically I think you might have exhausted yourself.
2 of Pentacles
Choices, choices, choices. Juggle away. Balance the mind that wants to race around the world like a brush fire within it’s limited physical confines. Balance being an independent woman in a time when it probably wasn’t de rigeur to have thoughts of your own. Balance that spark of “otherness” with acceptable societal norms. There is an uneasy peace; more a resignation to the way things had to be. The figure looks to the “sad” side, knowing that that’s her life, even though she dearly wants the “glad” side. This could be the spirit realising that the mind will have to be content with what it can get, rather than railing against what cannot be changed. Still, it’s not a completely unhappy scene, just limited.
The search to find some balance was a major theme with you. I get the weird sense that you practiced two different, yet compatible spiritual or religious practices, that were complimentary to one another. One that was more conventional (Catholicism maybe), one that was more exciting, novel, or even a bit secret (Ohhhh! Danger!). For some reason, I see this secondary practice as being some way you found to express yourself. The Queen of Wands minded person is a bit original and bold, and something like Hoodoo or Santeria could be very exciting and attractive. It could also go with my inkling that you lived in South America.
I’m partially basing it on your other reading, but it feels like the right “place”. I don’t think it was something you did for very long, and I think the course of your current life would be every different if you were able to explore it more. Spiritually, I think it helped provide a balance between that which was expected of you in society, and what you needed in your soul, which was a bit of freedom to roam and create. You might have done a little bit of dancing wildly around! I think it was a rare occasion for some fun, which in this life, you were certainly lacking. This card has an element of fun, so I think you enjoyed this part of your life.
What my Life was Like
Princess of Pentacles
This is a child born into her element: she is surrounded by it, dressed in it and accepts it when it is handed to her. Here’s the earth I was feeling from the Queen of Wands! She must have grown into that fire… This is a very serious child, who seems to have an understanding of what her life path will be. I don’t think she was born into wealth. Not poverty either, but maybe to land-owners. A step above farmers, but not quite Lords. British. Hmm. Maybe she grew up outside of her element… outside of her element! Possibly in a foreign land. Child of missionaries? In the colonies somewhere? It was a very natural, colourful childhood. I’m getting a strong feeling of “division”… she might have grown up in two different cultures. Or at least, exposed and within a culture other than her own. This could have affected her independent nature later on.
Not too many Pentacles for you! You’ve never really been an earth-driven type. Not now, not then! I believe you were born to hard working, down to earth, practical, but rather affluent people. Not rich as Rockefellers. While your early life was rather comfortable, it wasn’t especially lavish. With so many swords, and a rather intense nature, I don’t believe you fit in there at all. I think, given your other cards, that you were born to strive for a different type of existence. I still think Victorian…
Maybe that era, but South America perhaps. Somewhere that still had an edge of earthy wildness to it. “Love in the Time of Cholera”…Again, it was a repressed type of atmosphere, and too much earth could have everything to do with it. For some reason, I see a very Anglicized family living amongst a slightly more “unruly” native population. I don’t know why I’m getting that. Again, it feels right.
Well isn’t that great? A lifetime of battling to maintain balance. Here is fire, being subdued by Will. This ties in with the feelings I got from the first part of the spread – having to maintain appearances, hide what you are, challenge and conquer your natural instincts (whether for good or bad). This card is a double-edged sword. Some of the strength exerted was positive and a growing experience, it literally made her stronger inside; but some was a negative, to the detriment of her spirit. It is a very fine line to walk when taming a beast – too much force and you break it, rendering it unnatural and useless in the wild. She had to learn a very difficult, very important life lesson. I’m getting a very strong “esoteric” force coming through here too. That feeling of wise-woman, “witch”, priestess won’t leave me alone. There’s something in this image that speaks of… an arcane ritual. Hmm.
I look to Stength and the Chariot as both having different ways of expressing will. Again, I believe the person you were was somehow trapped, subdued, or dampered down by the times you lived in. You couldn’t be BIG, BAD, or BOLD. It simply wasn’t done. Instead, you had to be far more subtle in your approach. I believe it could be stifling, but you did find ways to be yourself, but expressing it gently. That’s not in your nature or your spirit, not then anyways.
The balance between the Chariot and Strength is another place where the Two of Pentacles comes into play for you. You took these two different ways of being YOU, and found out how to make them work harmoniously together as best you could. There is a certain sense I get of unpleasant things you had to endure, being trapped, and being in physical pain. Strength to graciously rise above this and truly shine in your own way is an amazing quality to strive for.
Wow, double-whammy Strength and Chariot! Shee-it. Trouble on wheels, lady! Massive energy, energy that had to be dampened up there in Strength. Don’t think she was too pleased about that. And again, balance and union. A lot of internal conflict; sometimes healthy, but conflict nonetheless. Also, control, dominance, taking charge and a certain nobility. Hi, Queen of Wands ::waves:: The Chariot knows where it’s going, it has a mission, and you aren’t going to get in the way (or you could get run over). This applies to the chariot driver as well. But it’s not all flying along without understanding; there is a definite aim to be accomplished. Union. Peace. Aaaah, there it is. I’m a Cancerian this time ’round. Wonder if that’s a nod to this attitude? (Somebody throw me some Wands though – I’m in desperate need!)
Again, there is that Queen of Wands energy I was talking about. You’re driven, baby! People need to get out of your way! It was all about passion, enthusiasm, and a need to go-go-go-go! You had a strong personality, and of course if you were man, you would have probably had an easier time of it in that life. These attributes would have been looked upon favorably. I get the sense that perhaps you were quite restless, possibly because of the social and physical restraints. With the Chariot, there is a need to DO (without always thinking). The Queen of Wands compliments that idea. Which can be very different than thinking without doing.
3 of Swords
You can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs, hey honey? Lady had to make some tough choices, sacrifices, leave things she loved behind in order to drive that chariot where it needed to go. It took strength. There is a resolute sadness here – it’s not heartbreak (except for the person scurrying away); an acceptance that in order to have x, you have to give up y. She still has her memories and she will cherish them every day of her life. She has a special place she puts those things and every so now and then, she takes them out and remembers… Hidden sorrow, always hidden. That independent mind might even have forced her to make an eventual break from the life/society that kept her limited. There’s that 2 of Pents making tough choices for the greater good.
I’m stuck on this one… I think it all comes back to feeling trapped or stifled, and how you might have reacted. There must have been some disappointment, sadness, and a feeling of isolation to not be able to express yourself as you need to. You were not designed to be a caged bird, but that was expected of you. You were expected to fall in line.
ZOMG! Eureka! Maybe you weren’t a woman… maybe you were a gay man? All the other stuff would still make sense in that context, the timeframe I’m seeing, etc. Not being able to be who you were or fully follow that which you were most passionate about, suffering from terrible physical pain due to depression, finding ways to make it work but never really getting it just right enough to be truly happy. I see action here more as reaction. You experienced a lot of sadness and anguish, you found ways to cope. Again, I think some spiritual practices helped you.
I hereby declare myself: Oscar Wilde!! The velvet, the dry humour, the Johnny Depp
obsession fan-ness – it all makes sense!
Ace of Cups
What a happy little death this is! It feels like something beautiful was achieved in the end; all the strength and sacrifices and pain paid off. There is a discovery, awakening, eye-opening. Something marvelous is revealed, a key opens a long-locked treasure. I feel an elemental transition: all that fire and drive and passion – sometimes too much – is transformed – or at least tempered – into water. There is a shift, a realisation. Maybe that all that fighting wasn’t completely necessary. A revelation! Yes, the scene is one of complete surprise and unexpectedness. And it’s an Ace, a beginning.
Off the top of my head, I think you drank yourself to death. Seems obvious, but this life seems to be full of great ups and downs. RESTRICTION. DEPRESSION. PAIN. Then to sweep into a great need for expression, a daring nature, originality, creativity, a need for expression, and an attraction to the novel and esoteric… and few outlets to do it. I see a pattern of behavior here. Have a few drinks maybe become the life of the party or be able to open up a bit more than usual (Oh, those wands they get chatty with the alcohol), and then the obligatory crash that comes a few hours later. Maybe it’s about opening up?
The Chariot, Strength, and that damn Queen of Wands also affirms that in this life, when you went to do something, you did it with great gusto and aplomb! The Chariot gets a little bit reckless though. The Chariot can over-do it. Drink could have masked some of the physical pain, but made some of the emotional reasons for it worse. On the flip-side, that 2 of Pentacles could have also manifested itself negatively. Perhaps the drinking helped to keep the balance… I feel that it became too much. The 3 of Swords, and the 9 of Swords tells me that there was so much mental pain for you… I don’t blame you for wanting to numb it. I would have too. I believe it might have been your undoing.
How the Past Life Affects this Life
9, 10, 11 are SELF cards
12,14,15 are the POSITIVE influences
13,15,17 are the NEGATIVE influences
[9-12-13] Pyramid deals with Family & Home (early life)
5 of Cups – Princess of Cups – Ace of Wands
Oh crap, somebody’s angry as all hell! No, really, the anger radiates from this card. She is hella pissed. I was an angry child, I admit. I felt cheated, like something precious had been taken from me and I had no control over my life and it wasn’t FAIR! The woman in this card is throwing the cups, spurning them, rejecting the water they hold. She reminds me of a child throwing a tantrum, breaking something she loves to make a point. The last life ended in water, with a promise of something, a wonderful discovery and then… She’s so angry. But the golden tree in the background shelters two more cups. There is hope behind all that rage.
The Princess and Wands are interesting. When I laid them out (face down), I was sure their positions should be reversed. I did, but then I changed them back. Looking at them now, I wonder if maybe I should have gone with my gut? They feel like they’re in the wrong positions…
Another affirmation of being born into the element, this time of water. This princess is even sadder than the Princess of Pentacles; melancholy. She has her little treasure that she guards, a gift from the fairy in the Ace of Cups. She looks like a tiny queen… my parents named me, thinking the name they chose meant “little ruler” (it actually means “reborn one”)! She seems very isolated. If she would put down her pearl and pick up the harp, I’m sure she would cheer up, but she feel it is her duty to protect the gift. I’m having difficulty seeing positive influences in this card, other than not being born empty-handed. Similarly, the Ace of Wands seems all positive! It’s a new beginning, a fresh start, with divine fire coming down in crystal droplets to make bright, bold, new life. A-ha, maybe it’s a negative because of miss pissy-pants in the 5 of Cups. She doesn’t want a do-over, she wants what she thought she was going to get! She’s sick and tired of all this responsibility.
5 of Cups – I’m a little bit stuck on it. I keep picking up loss. Not sure where this fits into your childhood. When you were young, did you ever feel as if you lost something, or were missing something but didn’t know what it was? I want to say that maybe there was someone in your previous life that you missed and loved very much, that you didn’t get to see until possibly later. Or maybe there was some guilt or regret from the way your other life ended that you carried with you? I’m just not getting anything that seems clear on this one.
Princess of Cups- I don’t know how it relates to the previous life, but you’ve found ways to get around the Wands from your last go-round. Perhaps because you’ve made some progress in the expression department, you’ve gotten some well-deserved rest that has opened you up for new possibilities. I see the Princess as the beginning of that for you. You’re able to delve deeper into your emotional and spiritual self than last go-round. You’re discovering that you have a very intuitive nature, that you would have missed in your last life. You are connected to the Water, which is truly a source of many things for you. I think you were cut-off from it previously. Again, Strength, Wands, Chariot, etc. You can begin to experience it and explore it. You are, in essence, connected.
Ace of Wands – A need for wandy-ness, and an inability to express it fully has been bad for you. If you suffer from any blocks or frustrations during the creative process, I think it might lead to revisiting some of those past issues. It happens to all of us, but I think for you, since creating is such a strong part of your being, that the Ace can cause it to manifest badly.
[10-14-15] Pyramid deals with Work & Possessions
King of Wands – Hanged Man – King of Pentacles
Okaaaay. Now it’s the King of Wands. Are we making progress, or are we simply becoming more stubborn and set in our ways? So, the king wears rich velvet, adorned with jewels, surrounded by luxury. A dragon is curled around his throne. Dragons guard treasure. They also HOARD. Several people could atest to my tendency to do both rather well :D There is firm, solid, power here. He isn’t a cranky-pants though, not like the Emperor. There’s no stodge or “by-the-bookness” in hiw war-room. He’s a drinkin’, whorin’, plunderin’ old bastard who worked hard to fill his treasure room and now he can relax and enjoy it however the damn well he pleases! It’s interesting that this is the king of entrepreneurs and creativity, as I have recently walked down that path with a resounding lack of success. Is it still coming? A possibility? Must investigate this further.
The Hanged Man. The perfect person for investigating things further, from a different view-point perhaps. He looks pretty casual in this card, but the fact remains that he is stuck between a rock and a… rock. Upside down. It’s almost like he had to learn a lesson, forcibly. It’s a pretty positive experience though – look at that happy little rainbow in the background. I’m sure it has a pot of gold and a unicorn at the end. The landscape is lush and beautiful; this card is full of vitality. The Hanged Man welcomes this challenge and change of scenery; it’s actually kinda fun!
Another King?? And this guy’s all about the moneh, right where he belongs. The King of Wands for Work and the King of Pents for Possessions. Awesome. If I were to look at this literally, I’d say I should have all this entrepreneur and raking in the gold thing figured out. What gives, huh? But dude is negative. Aaaah, I am averse to the almighty dollar. It’s all about the creativity, the making, the discovering. I don’t think these two kings get along too well. They come from different worlds. The K/W took his crown from the severed head of his enemy; the K/P inherited it when his bigger, badder older brother died in battle. He’s an accountant. Ugh. OMG! It’s the King of Pentacles, I just realised! The same card I feel such revulsion for in my other spreads O_O Maybe this is a dilemma for the Hanged Man to work on…
King of Wands – Again, those pesky wands… I know you well enough to say with confidence that this has everything to do with creativity and expression. Again, you were denied many chances or restricted from doing so in the last life. It wasn’t good for you at all. The work you do, that which is your life’s work, is driven by creativity and artistic expression. The things you appreciate most in life have everything to do with inspiring art, excellent craftsmanship, and beautifully handmade treasures… Here, I think the King reflects that in this life you can actively appreciate, enjoy, and above-all have a hand in the process of creating such things. You need to. You are driven to. You’re able to show off your skills, and you have a great talent for them. It’s made a difference to have an outlet you didn’t have before. You can do more than just appreciate these things… You can also be part of creating them. You needed to be able to show that outwardly before… I don’t think you always could.
Hanged Man – You’ve gotten somewhat of a reprieve from last time… Sure, things aren’t perfect, but you’re able to relax a bit more and just… be. I feel that this might be new for you. You may not always be able to relax and let things go (swords! By jove, you’ve got em!), but you’re more empowered to do so than you’ve been before. Finding how water works through you and within you allows this, and you’ve done that. In your last life, this was done through drink. Talk about being attracted to water! You have far better outlets now. You can let the divine intervene, where maybe they couldn’t get through before. Not that you didn’t try. Like I said, I think it did help you before, just not enough. Not in the right way. You didn’t get to actively explore, but this go-round I don’t think you have to go looking for it. It will come looking for you. The Hanged Man is letting you know to relax and enjoy the ride, as you’ve earned in a sense.
King of Pents – I’m not sure where he fits… It’s some boring, stodgy, traditionalist dude. Maybe it was someone you knew from your past life childhood? Maybe it was whoever was your father in that life (not necessarily your father in *this* life). Pents don’t show up much for you, and that’s the only correlation I can find. He’s very dull, and doesn’t understand you at all, and probably had a hand in holding you back.
[11-16-17] Pyramid deals with Love & Relationships
The Tower – Knight of Swords – 9 of Wands
Can a girl catch a break already? This is really not the best card to get for “Love & Relationships”. I haven’t had enough to even confirm a tendency towards destructive behaviour! Maybe that’s the problem manifesting right there: they don’t even get a chance to get off the ground because I’ve already envisioned the last act, where it all comes crashing down… I’d say this card would indicate a tendency toward drama in relationships. Making a big deal out of every little thing that goes wrong, but again, I don’t have enough experience. Maybe it’s just taking things too seriously? Lighten up, already?
Communication. Ohhhh, fighting to be heard, to be understood. Yes, I have this. The head full of thoughts and ideas isn’t always the best means of transmission for the heart full of feelings. Water and air, it all gets a little confused and then… tempests and doldrums. It’s very dynamic, though. Lots of sharing, conversing, excitement, even if it brings a little conflict. This is someone who will stand of for their ideas – AND yours. But beware of the sharp tongue; it can hurt when it doesn’t mean to. Knights were charming and chivalrous, but they also burninated the villages and made with the raping of the women-folk.
And finally, the 9. Geez, these 3 cards together do not paint rosy little pictures of kittens and dying of old age in each other’s arms, do they? This guy is guarded. He’s dealt with your sort before. There is an air of possessiveness as well. He’s afraid you’re going to steal his wands, or break them. Yeppers. Better safe than sorry, folks. Better to use that sword to keep everyone at a safe distance than risk falling from the tower. Oh sweet Lord. There is the summary of my life right there. My memoirs in 3 cards. How sad. This area (L&R) has the most… stuntedness. I would assume that means that this area suffered some serious pain and disappointment in the past then. BUT. The cards are all high: 16, Knight, 9. The cycle could be coming to a close or resolution. Yes?
Tower – You, my dear, have always had a very strong personality! Probably in all of your lives. You are who you are, and quite frankly, I pity the fool who tries to hold you back! I do feel that being repressed as you might have been before, and not being able to express yourself has come to the surface in this life. If you’ve had tension and conflict in some of your relationships, especially due to a power struggle, that could be a part of it. I wouldn’t doubt it if the tension from all of that holding back manifested in some explosives, if someone pushed your buttons. Jerks… Who do they think they are? They ought to know not to mess with you. You’ve still got some residual fire from that wandy-ness in your last life. I don’t think it always knows where to go. Again, this can lead to some tension and conflict, even if it’s within yourself.
Knight of Swords – Ugh! You and your damn court cards are killin’ me, Smalls! This could be a manifestation of your own natural swordy-ness. Perhaps the Knight in you carefully seeks knowledge, truth, answers, patterns, through careful study and analysis. Swords like that kind of stuff. Knights like to look for it. I have no clue as to how it relates to your past life. I has a stuck!
9 of Wands – Again! The wands! This fire doesn’t sit well with you… This definitely related back to the Strength/Chariot from your last life, and the Tower in this one. You’re no stranger to willing yourself to stand up for what you believe in. The last life had you intensely driven, with no place to drive, resulting in some awful physical complications. Naturally, old habits die hard, or they don’t die when you do. There was some fight in ya’ last time around that got mostly stomped out. I think it comes back around at times, but doesn’t always lead to a positive outcome.
9 of Cups
Achieve the Cups. Glory in them. Look at me, I’m so fiiiine, floating on the cload with my fabulous self. Not so much water here, everything’s coming up flowers. She dwarfs the landscape, larger than life. “Because you’re worth it.” I can feel the inner revolt already. It’s small and quiet, but I can feel it. I can feel it. There is a challenge here, indeed. Why do I feel so undeserving of this reward? Do I feel that it’s my place to suffer? To be in pain? Do not want, do I? I feel another spread on its way…
To learn how to be happy and fulfilled and above all whole… I think the drive and intensity, coupled with repression kept you from being able to do that in your last life. I think it’s about balance for you, and you’re getting there in this life. Like all of us, you have more to learn, but you’re trying. Being happy is a good goal, and getting there can be a challenge, and girl… you’ve been dealt a few. Especially last time around. Too much hurtiness. It’s come up in this life too, albeit in different ways.
4 of Swords
Now this I am all over – rest! At long last, rest. Shutting down and looking… internally. Poppies, a candle, the chair she’s sleeping in; not bed. This feels like a purposeful slumber, something with ritual. Dreams, visions, sacred space… There is a light coming from the window, guarding her. To find balance, hang up the swords for a while. Put the world aside and go inside. Or just plain stop thinking so bloody much! Give it a fucking rest, your heart can’t take it. Feel. Feel.
6 of Swords
Oooh and now this one. How interesting. These 2 cards are definitely related and it’s almost like they’re addressing right now. The mind is at rest and is going on a journey to a more peaceful place. There is a guide to show you the way and a welcoming light on the far shore. The water pushes the boat forward – the person in the boat is not steering or manning an oar, it’s all the water’s doing. Finding a balance, bringing the heart and soul into step with each other. Healing. Respite. Going home. Going home? I can’t help but notice and love the underworldy-ness of the 4 and 6 together. I wonder what the King of Wands thinks about all this… maybe I’m on my way to see him? Going home to fetch fire?
These two are related. Again, it’s all about finding wholeness or a balance for you. Most of all, you need to be able to rest and find sanctuary, but it must be your own choice, and not because you happen live in a time where you are not able to do so. Your heart needs a rest from some of the pain you’ve endured from your lives. Depression and physical hurt has come up in both lives, and finding ways to heal all of you is the most important thing. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Heal your soul, heal the rest of you. Creating is a big part of it. There is more, I’m sure. Let your heart rest. Find some peace. Let things go. That Hanged Man knows what’s up…
10 of Cups
So here’s where the wheels fall off, ‘cos what. the. fuck? Sacrifice the 10? What?? Sacrifice family, wholeness, fulfillment, happiness, love, completion, success? This makes no sense whatsoever in relation to the other cards. How can the 7 be the 10? Is it referring to an ideal, or unrealistic expectations? What’s bugging me is that it’s the same fairy nymphette from the Ace. Here she’s showing what the wonders are and now I’m supposed to give them up? I don’t get it (and neither does the King of Wands!) I’m assuming this refers to an action needing to be taken, rather than something that’s happened already, but maybe I’m wrong. I’m just too confused by this to make any sense of it.
You’ve given up being close to your family to be with the man you love. In relation to a past life, I’d guarantee you’ve known him before and probably liked him just as much as you do now. I know how much your family means to you, and how far away they are. Couldn’t have been easy, but it was something that you had to do.
Aaaah, maybe Ms H is onto something here. If the sacrifice is something that has happened already, then yes, absolutely right. It’s still confusing though. And I’m still a little sore over the whole thing. You know that woman in the 5 of Cups? Yeeeeah.
For interest’s sake, the “clarifiers” I drew for this card were the Wheel of Fortune (a 10) and the Hierophant (my birth number) and the Queen of Cups slid off the deck. Then the 3 of Wands. But I couldn’t understand, so I got the 3 of Cups. And then the Queen of Pentacles Rx, except I don’t use reversals so I don’t know how she ended up that way. And then things just went further downhill from there…
 Hidden Influences
Knight of Cups
An unusual knight, he’s all emo and purple. Holding the Grail. His search has ended, he has achieved his quest. Now he wades across the water to present it to me. It’s a very dark scene… dark horse, dark water and even the sky seems like it should be night, or at least twilight. Are those poppies on his belt? As a hidden influence, I see this as both the very definite quest-iness of my life as well as, maybe, the answer being there all the time, waiting for me to be receptive. My animus… Oh, I hope so. Come, sweet Knight, I am ready!!
Hmmm… Who is that masked man? I’m spent. I have no idea who this character is. Maybe he’s someone else from that other life when your were a repressed Victorian-era creative but stifled lady or gay dude in South America who had lots of problems, and probably thought that voodoo was neat and interesting. Or something. I could totally be wrong. Pretty sure you had a fainting couch, and had a similar affinity for corsets.
It’s an exhausting spread, but a interesting one and thank go out again to Eris Hilton for offering her more objective, experienced third eye on hashing this one out. I’m sorry I broke your tarot bone ;) I’ve just received the Symbolon Oracle that I’ve been waiting for this week. It was designed specifically for working on issues of the persona/e, with emphasis on “remembering” and past life work. Once I figure out how to use the deck, I’m going to see what it can uncover in relation to the answers from this spread. Oh, the dreams I should be having then!